Repatriation

You’re going home?

Now what?

In a welcome letter intended for new employees of LDIUS.org, Jerry Jones stated, “This transition, like all transitions, will be a challenge. Saying “goodbye” is never easy and sometimes saying “hello again” can be even harder. Far too often, however, the challenge of going home or moving on is underestimated. Just like expatriation, repatriation has its psychological phases that are unexpected. How you handle your last few weeks in one country and your first few weeks in your next destination could have a dramatic impact on the rest of your life.“ The Office of International Studies at Northeastern University (n.d.) stated that, “being flexible and expecting the unexpected helped you get through the difficult times abroad. The same attitude can help you back home.” David C Pollock, co-author of Third Culture Kids Growing Up Among Worlds (2009, p. 181), developed an acronym intended to help people transition back to their home country. By following the RAFT steps below, this will help to teach you and your kids about closure and encourage a positive transition for everyone creating positive memories while doing so. 

Building a Raft

R ~ Reconciliation:  Make strained or broken relationships right because they don’t go away when you do. We carry our unresolved issues and emotional baggage with us. Do everything you can to build bridges with people so you don’t leave a mess or run away from interpersonal relationship strains. Although it takes two, do your part to initiate any apologies or forgiveness.

A ~ Affirmation:  Don’t assume people know how much impact they have had on your life ~ let them know. Make sure people who have contributed to your experience understand how much they will be missed and how you cherish the memories you have made together.

F ~ Farewell:  Different people need different goodbyes.  Think beyond people (places, pets and possessions too). Help your kids with little gifts for special friends. Leave possessions behind with important people for special recognition of the connection you have made. 

T ~ Think Destination:  Brace yourself and think forward because even if you’re going ‘home’, much has changed.   As you are saying goodbye, start easing into re-connection with everything back ‘home’. Start shifting gears, but set up realistic expectations to avoid disappointment. Build a list of contacts you can use as resources and people you can lean on. 

“Saying goodbye can keep a door open or slam it shut. And for those left behind, not just for those leaving, the way you say goodbye matters. It matters for remembering and it matters for closure. It matters for honouring the time spent together. And it matters for moving on -- and into new relationships,” Sichel (2015, para. 8). Repatriation is an exciting time. However, it is clear from the literature that reconnecting with the life one left behind can be a challenging transition. Having clear expectations about ‘going home’ will only help to manage this part of the journey because it is just as much of an adjustment as it is to leave in the first place. 

Home is very important to me, so I was very challenged in this transition. Since we had set up a life in China, a life that took a lot of energy and emotion to adjust to, I felt a lot of the same feelings leaving China as I felt leaving Canada in the first place. While we were away, we sold the house we owned. In hindsight, this may have contributed to a more difficult transition; the home we had left, and intended to return to, was not the home we returned to.

The personal belongings we took to China and everything we acquired overseas (I fell in love with the furniture) was shipped back to Canada in a shipping container. What an exciting day when the moving truck appeared!

The moving truck is here!

There were so many mixed emotions ~ again.

We strategically returned in June so we could have the kids visit the schools they would be attending the following September. We spent the summer getting re-organized ~ it was good to have time to adjust before the kids went to school in Canada for the first time.

Overall, I definitely experienced reverse culture shock. It was such a stimulating experience and I felt like exploding with all the details and wanted to share!

While I was away, it became apparent what was important to me, what my priorities are and what intellectually stimulates me. I grew so much and discovered a lot about myself. I came back with a new perspective about the world and a new perspective about life. I became a more confident person because I was challenged to overcome some amazing things. I loved learning Mandarin, I enjoyed eating local foods and shopping in the authentic Chinese markets.

Not only did I get to know the Chinese culture, but I also learned about the cultures of my expat friends who came from all over the world!

Returning home was harder than I thought. I found it especially hard to let go of my exotic lifestyle and I found it even harder to fit in. Being closer to family was really good and I made many new and wonderful connections where I live now. I reunited with my close friends, but I also missed the friendships I had made in China.

Friends

I have kept in touch through Facebook, but I wish we could have connected more. I know where they are if I ever need to reach out ~ and I trust they know the same.  

I have found that I don’t talk too much about my overseas experiences. I could see myself staying abroad and continuing to live a global lifestyle. I saw the value in the growth and education for myself and for my children. But here’s the thing;

You can’t have it both ways.

Is it better to have roots and stay in one place? Or is it better to continue moving? I feel grateful to have experienced both.

There are pros and cons to everything.

I have noticed impacts in my children that I believe have resulted from their life overseas. My eldest was always more outgoing towards adults. They are very good travellers and have aspirations to travel in their future. I am not concerned about them finding their way through the world because I know what they were exposed to. My daughter, now a TCK (Third Culture Kid) wrote a quote for her 8th grade English assignment: “…..when you’re staring at the universe, you realize there’s more valuable things than fortune, small talk and what people think of you. I think the most valuable things in life are happiness, respect, education, experience, self-love and time.” It is my belief that her insight and maturity towards life is a reflection of her worldly experiences at a very young age. Both of my kids befriend international students easily and accept kids from other cultures with empathy. As a TCK parent, it is great knowing that they appreciate what their friends may be going through while living in our country.

I am proud of my kaleidoscope of experiences from around the world. The good friends and colourful memories that I have collected will always be part of me.

I love to travel. However, I also learned how much I love my roots in Canada.

O Canada!

Expatriation

So what does it mean to be an expatriate?

As defined by investopedia (n.d.), an expat is ”an individual living in a country other than their country of citizenship, often temporarily and for work reasons. An expatriate can also be an individual who has relinquished citizenship in their home country to become a citizen of another.”

Investopedia (n.d.) further explained, “living as an expatriate can be exciting and present a great opportunity for career advancement, but it can also be an emotionally difficult transition that involves separation from friends and family, and adjusting to an unfamiliar culture and work environment.” Finaccord (n.d.) defined expatriates as “individuals who establish their residence in the territory of another country for a temporary period that is, or is expected to be, of at least 12 months and a maximum of five years, having previously been resident in another country.”

When we arrived at the airport, the airline counters were all dressed up for Chinese New Year. I started to get very excited!

The airline tickets, our visas and transportation upon arrival had been arranged by the company, so this was helpful. Our first leg of the journey required us to stop in Hong Kong for the visas. As it was Chinese New Year when we first arrived, we were immediately exposed to festivities and decorations throughout the streets and hotels. Rotations through Hong Kong were going to be required every six months to renew the visas, but I was really excited for that because I quickly discovered that I loved Hong Kong!

Sanya, Hainan, China

After these first few days enjoying new sights, it was time to head to Sanya, our ‘new home’. Sanya is a tropical city located on Hainan Island in Southern China and a popular destination for mainland Chinese during Chinese New Year. Everyone and their chicken (literally) were boarding the flight to Sanya, Hainan. Our two year-old little girl became a prime attraction to the Chinese because of her fair skin and blue eyes. It was truly an experience trying to keep people from touching her or offering her food ~ not a common practice in our North American culture so this was part of the experience I was not ready for.

We finally arrived late in the evening. Therefore, after check-in at our hotel, we simply crashed until the next day when we could start getting oriented. In our short walk to our room, already the smells and feeling in the air told me we were somewhere very different. Our living quarters were in a suite of a hotel located just across from the beach. It was a beautiful place……for a holiday.

There were immediate concerns about what would keep the kids busy and stimulated.  This was an area where there was no expat community, so there was no international school or other English speaking expats to be seen. There were a lot of aspects to our arrival that I was not prepared for and it took a lot of adjusting in the first few weeks. It was a combination of vacationing, responsibility and realization that this was not just a short-term event. Our family was now very far away and I wanted to share so many things, but it wasn’t the same via email or Skype conversation.

After a few weeks, I started homeschooling the kids in the hotel kids zone. I quickly learned it wasn’t really my thing. After about 3 months, we decided to enroll our son into a Chinese kindergarten. It seemed like a good idea at the time because he needed some kind of routine, but really, it was an experience I probably would not repeat. We had left family support behind and I felt like I was a changed person already because it was hard to even know who I was, never mind lead my children effectively. The kids were now ages 2 and 4, so as a Mother, everything that we had set up for our kids now needed to be re-discovered and established. It may have been our choice to come while the kids were young, but it didn’t mean it was easy.

Expatriation gives you the opportunity to see what you’re made of ~ layer by layer.

Sanya itself was how I expected it to be due to the research I had done, but that research was all online. We were not provided with any resources about how family life would be. There was information from the company about the job itself, but otherwise, no formal training or resources were supplied. It was so culturally different and a continuous learning curve, therefore, it was enriching and exhausting.

I felt the pressures of Motherhood with new insecurities in an unstable and changing environment. At the same time, it felt exotic and exciting and I felt free. Being in a tropical destination, we did make some friends who were visitors to the hotel, but those friendships were short lived because they would only be staying a week or two. My daughter became a very good swimmer here because we were in the pool a lot. This was one of the few regular activities we could do. I definitely experienced culture shock striving to use the currency, pick up the language, figure out where to get groceries and what to get ~ all adjustments to the family routine and living arrangements.

This transition was more than I expected and I felt very alone in my experiences.

We ended up moving from the first hotel into a brand new Holiday Inn at Sanya Bay. These hotel employees made us feel like family and we lived in one of the largest hotel suites that had a very large balcony and kitchen. It felt more like our own one bedroom apartment than a hotel room. This was so much better!

However, after 9 months of living in Sanya, we were trying hard to be transferred up North to Tianjin where the company had another base. Part of the push was that my son was now of kindergarten age and we knew there was an international school there; as well as an expat community.

I knew this would provide the social support that were lacking.

Tianjin, China

Finally, this transfer was confirmed and we ended up staying for another 3 years in the Tianjin Economic Development Area, more fondly known as TEDA. During these years, the kids and I returned to Canada each summer while they were on break from school. This was mostly to avoid the air pollution because it was worse during the hot summer months. We also wanted to build some memories in Canada and there was a lot more to do. It was busy trying to see family and friends and fit it all in while we were home.

We were fortunate to be able to see different parts of China and a few other countries as well. One of the reasons for moving overseas in the first place, was to travel while we were in that part of the world. A few highlights; we saw the Terra Cotta Warriors, the Forbidden City, the Temple of Heaven and the Summer Palace. We hiked the Great Wall of China multiple times and went to the beautiful town of Lijiang in Yunnan Province. These additional travel experiences greatly influenced the educational component of our adventure. We also took vacations to Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore…..clearly enriching our experience because ten years later, the kids still brought up memories from these places.

At the time, these trips provided a welcome relief when the days seemed long and we were reminded to enjoy the opportunity while it lasts.

TEDA International School

I became very involved with the TEDA International School and I was able to focus entirely on my kids. However, I worked hard to establish my own sense of identity while caring for young children in a foreign country. I became the Chairperson for the Parent and Friends Association at the school, I was the parent representative on the Steering Committee working alongside the administration team, I established a soccer team for the kindergarten/grade 1 age group and started an international Cub Scout group. I had now set up a life I was familiar with, enriched by the culture and had settled into a comfortable routine. As any parent knows, life with small children is a busy lifestyle!

A lot of effort went into getting settled and to build a new life……but it was so worth it! Over time, it became more and more our home.

Services ~ Shopping ~ Social

Services such as haircuts and massages were a treat because they are much less expensive than in Canada. I loved shopping the markets and buying fresh vegetables in small amounts so I could go back again the next day. I bought meat off cardboard with flies (I know) ~ it originally took courage to do, but as it turned out, it was just fine and very fresh!

I learned to identify the quality assurance symbol on packaging in the grocery store, couldn’t read the packaging otherwise. There were no shopping carts as we are used to in North America, only baskets, so in order to be able to carry what was purchased, the amount needed to remain concise. Four litre milk jugs did not exist nor did large volumes of frozen packaged foods. The fridge wasn’t big enough even if you could stock up! Cell phones were easy to charge and useful throughout the entire country.

In many ways, life was simplified.

I loved the culture and the challenge of practicing Mandarin every day. We would arrange get-togethers with other expat families that consisted of baseball games in the park, special brunches at the local Renaissance Hotel, and, of course, ladies nights were a MUST on a consistent basis!

While the kids were at school, the ladies would sometimes venture off to Beijing with one of the drivers to collect specific groceries. That in itself became a hunting and gathering process looking for familiar Western food products. We would have birthday parties for adults and kids and enjoyed the general support from our new friends. Many different countries were represented ~ all coming together to make a life in this foreign land. These were good times!

Then one day, as if no time had passed at all, it was time to leave all that behind and step into the idea that it was time to go back home. From that far away, ‘home’ became a much grander concept. Home was not narrowed down to a city or town, a community or the street where we were going to live……home was Canada.

We had already been in China for 3.5 years. Since we ended up staying longer than I was originally prepared for, my reality shifted and it turned out that I fell in love with my new life! My thoughts about going back to Canada were changing because now I felt torn about who I was and where I was supposed to be. We’d have to restart all over again.

Pre-Departure

Are you ready for take-off?

Prior to departure there were lots of things to do and even more things to think about. My husband, a helicopter pilot, had accepted a new job with a Chinese helicopter company that was contracted to the global oil company, ConocoPhillips. He quit his job in Canada in order to accept this new role; flying crew and supplies to the off-shore oil rigs in the South China Sea. At the time, I was a stay at home Mom with our 1 and 3 year old, so there wasn’t anything for me to leave from an occupational perspective.  Having had opportunities to travel abroad in my past, I was somewhat prepared for what I was embarking on. : )

Or was I?

Before I was married, I spent ten months as a backpacker travelling the world. Prior to leaving for this journey, I had started dating the man who would become my husband and went to meet him in Africa for one month during this trip. He was flying in Angola on an overseas contract, so through that experience, I had my first exposure to the expat lifestyle. After we got married, having known my husband had previously worked abroad, I knew the possibility existed that we might take an expatriate assignment at some point. In fact, one agreement was “if you go, we go”. This is exactly what we did. However, I quickly learned that travelling somewhere and moving somewhere are two very different things. 

“Travelling is a sample platter and moving abroad is a feast.”

The contract was signed and our departure was set for February 2005. Now what? How long will we go for?

In my mind, 1-2 years…..in his mind 3-5 years. We stayed 3.5 years. 

Tip: Agree on how long you will go for. 

There were so many questions! How much should we take? Where will we live when we get there? What’s it like where we are going?  It was a stressful and exciting time. I knew I would miss my family and friends, but I couldn’t wait to go! I felt conflicted.

I started to miss the home we had made even before we left.

Already, I am there and here. 

I researched a lot on my own about the destination, but there really wasn’t any assistance or any relocation training from the company. 

We decided to change our tax status to non-resident. This meant we needed to sell or rent out our house and townhome, and sell or gift the vehicles we owned. We had to research the schools available for our kids, consider the housing we would have once we got there, think about medical services, transportation, and what to do with personal belongings. The company did provide assistance regarding where we would live because crew arrangements had already been made as part of the contract.

A big part of the decision was the experience gained and the age of our kids. We felt that it was a good time to take the opportunity and make the adventure happen because they were still very young. We went for it!

Throughout this entire transition, it was very stressful. Emotions were running high; I was very excited to go, but it was a lot of work to unravel our life. I started to feel uprooted, a little sad, excited, confused if it was the right thing to do, and overwhelmed with the amount of effort to prepare for leaving. Everything simply seemed to snowball.

We ended up renting out our house full time and rented our townhouse as a vacation rental. We had a vehicle and the jet ski that we gifted to friends to use and take care of until our return. We didn’t have any pets at the time and our personal items were placed into storage.

The whole process took about 6 months from the time the contract was signed until all of a sudden, the day came and we were headed to the airport! I was excited, scared and feeling stunned about everything that had taken place. I felt rushed to get everything in order. It was not easy to pack up an entire life that was already established.

Saying goodbye to family and friends was tough.

Off we went…….  

Cultural Transitions

“The beauty of the world lies in the diversity of its people.”

~ unknown

As we turn the pages of our lives, each new chapter provides an opportunity to let go so we can reach forward towards the future. Coming up with a good plan for what’s next can help to make life run more smoothly. Cultural transitions are no different.

The path to achieving healthy transitions is thriving emotionally, physically, spiritually and relationally. The opportunity to move abroad and become an expatriate is very exciting but there is a lot to think about in order to relocate.

A cultural transition is a very personal experience and it is important to consider all members of the family. Pico Iyer says, “For more and more of us, home has really less to do with a piece of soil then you can say a piece of soul.” Transitions of any kind can accentuate the negatives and stress can come from unexpected places. Even the strongest individuals can be overwhelmed with exhaustion and uncertainty. Remembering to include patience with an open mind as part of the planning will go a long way.

It is also very important to enjoy the journey. If you are only focused on the goal, you can miss out on a lot of happiness along the way. On page 218 of Third Culture Kids, Growing Up Among Worlds by Pollock and Van Reken, Charles Frame offers advice to his daughter Ruth; valuable advice that if applied, can make a big difference in having a positive experience or not, “….wherever you go in life, unpack your bags – physically and mentally – and plant your trees.

Too many people never live in the now because they assume the time is too short to settle in. They don’t plant trees because they expect to be gone before the trees bear fruit. But if you keep thinking about your next move, you’ll never live fully where you are. When it’s time to go, then it’s time to go, but you won’t have missed what this experience was about……”.