Repatriation
You’re going home?
Now what?
In a welcome letter intended for new employees of LDIUS.org, Jerry Jones stated, “This transition, like all transitions, will be a challenge. Saying “goodbye” is never easy and sometimes saying “hello again” can be even harder. Far too often, however, the challenge of going home or moving on is underestimated. Just like expatriation, repatriation has its psychological phases that are unexpected. How you handle your last few weeks in one country and your first few weeks in your next destination could have a dramatic impact on the rest of your life.“ The Office of International Studies at Northeastern University (n.d.) stated that, “being flexible and expecting the unexpected helped you get through the difficult times abroad. The same attitude can help you back home.” David C Pollock, co-author of Third Culture Kids Growing Up Among Worlds (2009, p. 181), developed an acronym intended to help people transition back to their home country. By following the RAFT steps below, this will help to teach you and your kids about closure and encourage a positive transition for everyone creating positive memories while doing so.
Building a Raft
R ~ Reconciliation: Make strained or broken relationships right because they don’t go away when you do. We carry our unresolved issues and emotional baggage with us. Do everything you can to build bridges with people so you don’t leave a mess or run away from interpersonal relationship strains. Although it takes two, do your part to initiate any apologies or forgiveness.
A ~ Affirmation: Don’t assume people know how much impact they have had on your life ~ let them know. Make sure people who have contributed to your experience understand how much they will be missed and how you cherish the memories you have made together.
F ~ Farewell: Different people need different goodbyes. Think beyond people (places, pets and possessions too). Help your kids with little gifts for special friends. Leave possessions behind with important people for special recognition of the connection you have made.
T ~ Think Destination: Brace yourself and think forward because even if you’re going ‘home’, much has changed. As you are saying goodbye, start easing into re-connection with everything back ‘home’. Start shifting gears, but set up realistic expectations to avoid disappointment. Build a list of contacts you can use as resources and people you can lean on.
“Saying goodbye can keep a door open or slam it shut. And for those left behind, not just for those leaving, the way you say goodbye matters. It matters for remembering and it matters for closure. It matters for honouring the time spent together. And it matters for moving on -- and into new relationships,” Sichel (2015, para. 8). Repatriation is an exciting time. However, it is clear from the literature that reconnecting with the life one left behind can be a challenging transition. Having clear expectations about ‘going home’ will only help to manage this part of the journey because it is just as much of an adjustment as it is to leave in the first place.
Home is very important to me, so I was very challenged in this transition. Since we had set up a life in China, a life that took a lot of energy and emotion to adjust to, I felt a lot of the same feelings leaving China as I felt leaving Canada in the first place. While we were away, we sold the house we owned. In hindsight, this may have contributed to a more difficult transition; the home we had left, and intended to return to, was not the home we returned to.
The personal belongings we took to China and everything we acquired overseas (I fell in love with the furniture) was shipped back to Canada in a shipping container. What an exciting day when the moving truck appeared!
The moving truck is here!
There were so many mixed emotions ~ again.
We strategically returned in June so we could have the kids visit the schools they would be attending the following September. We spent the summer getting re-organized ~ it was good to have time to adjust before the kids went to school in Canada for the first time.
Overall, I definitely experienced reverse culture shock. It was such a stimulating experience and I felt like exploding with all the details and wanted to share!
While I was away, it became apparent what was important to me, what my priorities are and what intellectually stimulates me. I grew so much and discovered a lot about myself. I came back with a new perspective about the world and a new perspective about life. I became a more confident person because I was challenged to overcome some amazing things. I loved learning Mandarin, I enjoyed eating local foods and shopping in the authentic Chinese markets.
Not only did I get to know the Chinese culture, but I also learned about the cultures of my expat friends who came from all over the world!
Returning home was harder than I thought. I found it especially hard to let go of my exotic lifestyle and I found it even harder to fit in. Being closer to family was really good and I made many new and wonderful connections where I live now. I reunited with my close friends, but I also missed the friendships I had made in China.
Friends
I have kept in touch through Facebook, but I wish we could have connected more. I know where they are if I ever need to reach out ~ and I trust they know the same.
I have found that I don’t talk too much about my overseas experiences. I could see myself staying abroad and continuing to live a global lifestyle. I saw the value in the growth and education for myself and for my children. But here’s the thing;
You can’t have it both ways.
Is it better to have roots and stay in one place? Or is it better to continue moving? I feel grateful to have experienced both.
There are pros and cons to everything.
I have noticed impacts in my children that I believe have resulted from their life overseas. My eldest was always more outgoing towards adults. They are very good travellers and have aspirations to travel in their future. I am not concerned about them finding their way through the world because I know what they were exposed to. My daughter, now a TCK (Third Culture Kid) wrote a quote for her 8th grade English assignment: “…..when you’re staring at the universe, you realize there’s more valuable things than fortune, small talk and what people think of you. I think the most valuable things in life are happiness, respect, education, experience, self-love and time.” It is my belief that her insight and maturity towards life is a reflection of her worldly experiences at a very young age. Both of my kids befriend international students easily and accept kids from other cultures with empathy. As a TCK parent, it is great knowing that they appreciate what their friends may be going through while living in our country.
I am proud of my kaleidoscope of experiences from around the world. The good friends and colourful memories that I have collected will always be part of me.
I love to travel. However, I also learned how much I love my roots in Canada.